Firecracker
by Poroly
Summary: There's no such thing as a painless lesson, they just don't exist. Sacrifices are necessary. You can't gain anything without losing something first. Although if you can endure that pain and walk away from it, you'll find that you now have a heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle. Reiner/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story. Attack on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you**

It finally begins. I am so excited to bring to everyone this story. I have been working very hard on it. I hope everyone enjoys and thank you all for stopping by and spending some time here. We have a long journey ahead of us. *wink wink*

Chapter 1: Breached

I could hear the cicadas chirping as they perched on the trees. The sun baked its surroundings as a gentle breeze grazed my body, slinging my wavy copper hair into a frenzy like leaves in autumn. Reaching up, I mustard the strength to pull the beast into a semi-tamed state as the wind began to calm. I jumped when a hand touched my shoulder. Glancing up, I smile as my father's short brown hair covers the sun's rays.

"Hurry up Firecracker! Mom and Lance are at the vegetable stand."

My father is a kind man who I acquired a few similarities from. We both share the same hazel eyes. He is tall, standing at six feet. He isn't much of a fighter despite his broad size. We share the same warm peach- colored skin and tendency to put others before ourselves. He had given me my nickname 'Firecracker' because he says that my hair is the flames and my personality is the explosives. After that, it kind of stuck and I've been going by it ever since. Even though only my father gets away with using it.

Giggling, we jogged to catch up with my mother and brother.

"Seems as though we win again," my mother gleamed, hugging my little brother while she spun around in a circle. My father chuckled, patting me on the back before walking towards everyone else. My mother is a cheery character. My father always told me that I may have his eyes, but beyond those, is only my mother. I don't see it. My mother is ten times worse than I am. She is known for being overdramatic and wild. Her bright smile and forest green eyes could light up any room and she sure as hell always makes her presence known. She speaks what is on her mind, few have experienced her silence, and they have never repeated that mistake again. According to my dad, she has always been this way. He described their first meeting as, "special" because it seems that when they met, my mother was the outspoken one. She was dared to approach my father and kiss his cheek, but she missed, and in the process of falling, she grabbed my Father, taking him to the ground with her. Which led them to where we are now.

My brother, Lance, is a shy child. Never can you see him far away from mother's leg unless we are playing. She is the first person he runs to when something bad happens and she is always there to fix the problem. Either with soothing words or her bubbly personality. Mother always wins. Lance shared the family's brown hair. I am the one singled out. I do not know where the red hair came from, but I would like to meet that person and tell them a thing or two about it.

"You cheated! You got a head start," I retorted, trying to contain my happiness. Mother laughed, finally stopping her twirling session, and turn to me. She stuck her tongue out and replied, "It's not cheating. It's called strategy."

"Yeah, the strategy of cheating." We all laughed. Walking into the store, I noticed the owner. An elderly woman whose son is usually here to help her run the place. But today seems as though he has something else to do. The family was sweet. Their store contained many items, mostly foods grown from the farmers outside of town. My Mother began her usual morning of chitter chatter while Father actually did the shopping. I walked towards the elderly woman.

"Good morning! Where's David?" I questioned. Her eyes dropped before she let out a breath. Glancing back at me she spoke, "He just had to go see the Scout Regiment return today. Left early to get a good seat. Boys these days." Her voice trailed off. The Scout Regiment. I almost forgot. I casually said my goodbyes and walked over towards my Mother and Lance. Squatting down to eye level, I see Lance staring back at me with the same hazel eyes.

"Still want to go see the Scouts?" I asked Lance, knowing that his face would light up at the suggestion. He loves the Scouts, so much that he begs Father to tell him stories about them before bed. He nodded his little head over and over, causing a giggle to escape my mouth.

"Mother, can we go see the Scout Regiment return? I promise we will be back before dinner, "I asked, displaying the biggest set of puppy dog eyes possible to hopefully increase our chances. She looked over the both of us as if surveying for something. Her right hand rubbing her chin in a thinking manner.

"Hmm. I don't know-" she started but was cut off by Father who had just walked over from grabbing some fruit.

"Honey, let the kids explore. We can't keep them sheltered their entire lives. They will be fine," he patted her shoulder. Grinning, he looked back to us. With a puff, Mother wrapped her arms around Father.

"Be home for dinner…and watch your brother!" Mother said while grabbing dad's hand while he is whispering something in her ear that causes her to slap his shoulder while smiling.

We ran as the town's bell rung signaling humanities return. Around us, people were chatting and playing. A lot of the citizens were already on their way to the "event".

"Elena?" a voice called out. I slowed down to a stop.

"Hello, Mrs. Sofie! How is Katerina?" I questioned, exchanging greetings with my parent's friend. Mrs. Sofie and her daughter Katerina use to come over to our house for supper before her husband died. Now my mother meets with her every week as a reminder that they are not alone.

"We are doing well, do not tell me that you two are going to see the Scouts?" she asked like she already knew the answer, placing her hand on her hip while she pointed the other towards us. "The Scouts are nothing to be happy about. My husband-," she cut herself short, probably remembering something that involved Greg. Her pointed hand moves to cover her mouth.

"Yes, ma'am. We were just stopping by." I don't want to linger. Mrs. Sofie is a kind person, but she places her views on everything based on her husband. She does not understand anything herself, just by what her husband told her to believe. He was a part of the military police. How he died is beyond me. Maybe an illness?

"Hmm, well tell your mother that we enjoyed the soup. She always does a fine job." She sighed, giving up on the previous conversation.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied being pulled by Lance. "I will."

"Be careful" I hear as I wave behind myself.

I'll admit, I am excited. I might not show it as much as Lance does when Father tells stories about the Scouts in his days, but I sure as heck am interested. Not that I ever would join the Scouts. I do not have the patience to be precise and cunning.

Arriving, we quickly climbed some steps to a house by the gate. _There they are._ I beamed, picking Lance up so he could see clearer. The town's people gathered to welcome them home and left little room for the small crowd. The Scout Regiment came into town on horseback. Their green cloaks soaring in the wind as they trot down the road of town. People all around are whispering. I could not make out much of what they were saying, I was focused on the soldiers.

"This is so cool. Right?" Lance looked to me. His face full of excitement. I can bet that my face wasn't any different, I smiled back nodding. This is so cool. They look so bad ass. Coming from outside the wall, where many people have never been. They fight for our safety. That has to be an honor to be able to do that.

It was not until an elderly woman ran up to them that I could finally focus enough to hear and evaluate the situation. She was asking about her son. Moses. I leaned a bit forward, wanted to see and hear for myself a little more.

 _What is that?_ I couldn't make out what was going on. The soldier handed her a cloth. The rest of the Regiment stopped as well. The elderly woman opened the cloth, gasping, and quickly covering it back up. The soldier, only looking at her, started crying. The whispers were becoming louder and more detailed. Here and there, mummers of "This is what our taxes are going for" and "A bunch of nonsense if you ask me". After looking around, I finally came to the realization. There were many injured scouts. Some even laid on carts with their legs gone. My excited expression turned grim. This is not what we came for.

"Arm," He pointed to the street.

"What?" I looked to Lance who spoke. Arm? What is he talking about? I changed my view back to the elderly woman to see her break down in the middle of the street. My eyes shot open. In front of her was an arm wrapped in the cloth. Is that her son? But how? I gripped Lance tighter. He should not be here… should not be seeing this. No one should witness this.

"Let's go home… mom and dad are expecting us." I spoke softly, knowing this is not going to get any better. As I began to turn, the Scout shouted.

"We achieved nothing at all but needlessly sending soldiers to their deaths. We haven't found anything about them!"

Everyone was on the same page. No one knew what to say. We believed they were accomplishing something, not just dying. There has to be more to this besides endless death for no gain.

"What does he mean Elena?" Lance tugged on my shirt. I feel horrible telling a young boy who idolizes the Scouts these next words.

"He means…we lost" I sighed, turning around, and taking a few steps to the nearest corner. Everyone else just stood silently as the Scout Regiment continued their pathing along the road.

I did not want to be there anymore. Hearing the whispers of regret and the soldiers… the soldiers were the hardest to look at. Most were crying, well the ones that were conscious. The man's words replayed in my head as Lance and I was heading down the alleyway. _"needlessly sending soldiers to their deaths... Haven't found anything about them"_. All this time, we were hoping for a way out and it seems that all our wishes were for nothing. We gain nothing by losing so much. Is it really that bad on the outside? I have never seen a Titan and from the looks of the soldiers, I pray that I never will. I heard from others that titans eat humans. Why? Also, we were told that these creatures are very big. Some standing at least 15 meters. What is someone suppose to do to something of that size? I couldn't imagine what I would do. Panic? I glanced down at Lance. He was swinging our arms without a care in the world. His face clear of distraught. Carefully crafted into a smile that embodied all the emotions that everyone else has forgotten. I wish the world was as peaceful as Lance made it out to be. How I wish I could shield him from reality. Somehow finding a way to keep him innocent and pure for just a little longer so humanity has time to figure out how to successfully fight back against the threat.

Honestly, now I just want to go home. I want to go back to my loving family where nothing wrong could happen. I could already picture mom bouncing around in the kitchen while father chases her. It was getting later into the afternoon when we turned a corner, coming across a small boy, around my age with blond hair and blue eyes. I've seen him before but never held a long enough conversation to consider anything really of him. He was a nice guy, a bit shy, but held intelligence. I adverted my gaze, not wanting to get mixed in with the situation that had already developed before our arrival.

"Elena, why are they picking on him?" Lance questioned. He is so pure. I tried to speed up the pace, pulling Lance a bit because his tiny legs couldn't handle it. I do not want to get involved and definitely do not want Lance involved. I'm sorry boy, but you have to fight this battle on your own today. "Please Elena help-"Lance is more kindhearted than I am. I remembered when he found out that the baby bird egg had cracked and wouldn't hatch. He cried for three days, waking up each morning to go check on and try to mend the egg.

"Fine," I huffed, turning around, but before I could say anything a new voice appeared.

"Back off!" Eren Yeager came running, passing us and straight towards the kid and his company. The bullies got into their fighting stance and started spouting off little nothings towards Eren as he ran towards them. But he wasn't alone, behind him, another figure ran. Someone who I knew better than others in town. Still not well enough to consider them a close friend, more so an acquaintance.

"Let's go, Lance, we are not needed here." I grabbed his little hand and continued on our way, but not before hearing my name.

"Elena."

I smiled, turned back around, and waved, "Mikasa."

While walking, we come to some small fields of grass. I remember playing here when I was younger. Running back and forwards, chasing butterflies. I sighed. Good times.

"Let's get Mother some flowers." I requested from Lance who let go of my hand and took off towards the fields. The wind began to pick back up, blowing the grass to the side. So peaceful and beautiful.

Jogging to the field before plopping to the ground, I took a deep breath and exhaled. Today has been a wonky day. The Scout Regiment's return was anything but good. I believe they cause more questions than solving answers, but I am not out there, I am not one to declare who is right. I sit down and just enjoyed the breeze. Laughing at Lance, who was running back and forth, eyes glued to the ground searching for his masterpiece, he finally let out a loud "Yeah" and shot into the grass.

"Look I found a blue- "behind us a big shock went off. The vibrations causing us to wobble a bit. I jumped up, expecting to see something to tell me what was going on. Did something just blow up? I rush over to Lance, grabbing his hand. Several people began to run from their houses to the cause of the noise.

"What was that?"

I am tempted to follow to figure out what exactly caused that loud bang. Running back into town, we came to a stop a little way away from a group of people. I glance around seeing nothing.

"Elena, look," Lance pointed up to the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story. Attack on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you!**

A/N Thank you, everyone. I am really enjoying writing this out for you guys. Hopefully, everyone is having as much fun as I am. Onwards with Chapter 2. Thank you all!

Chapter 2: Escape

"Elena, look," Lance pointed up to the wall.

I froze. Instantly traumatized. Time seemed to slow down at that exact moment. Maybe I am seeing things. It is getting dark; the sun is playing tricks on me. I have been in the sun all day. The heatwave must have really gotten to me. Trying to calm my internal self-down, I lied. I just could not stop staring at that thing. Can it be called a thing? A monster maybe. What is that? Is that God? Is this Judgement day? Is the world ending? Is this the impending doom that awaits humanity? On a day like this? What have I done wrong? Is it here for me?

As I stared in a state of confusion, I couldn't help but notice the features of the grotesque being. First, it stood over the already 50-meter wall, making it around 60-meters. That is overwhelming in itself. It is completely blocking the sun as if illuminating itself with the rays. It has the face of a human, but minus the skin. Instead, all I could see was red muscle covering the underlayer, white tendons, and ligaments. The worst part is its mouth. Its teeth to be more precise. They were all visible, only making the creature feel like some sort of demon about to rain down on the earth.

 _You need to run_

I hear myself say inside my head. Run? But why? There is no outrunning that monster. Judging from its size, one foot could crush a house with ease. Oh no, there is no escaping this. This is the end times.

 _You need to run…_

I hear it again and once more, I stop myself. I've decided. I couldn't see anything other than the face of that creature. Those hollow eyes. My body wouldn't move even if I wanted it too.

 _They are getting closer_

They? Who are they? The only thing I see is a giant life force standing over Wall Maria and I'm utterly terrified. Smoke was now coming from the creature. It was a captivating sight. I don't know what it is or how it is happening, but I am going to watch. Going to keep my focus on this-

I blinked once. Again. Again.

"Where?" It's GONE. The mysterious creature is gone. Did I miss its movements? Can it teleport? If that thing suddenly reappears inside the wall, we are all dead for sure.

Gasping, I look around. Finally, able to gain some vision of reality outside the literal wall. People were screaming. Others were running. I continue to stand there. What is going on?

Something landed to my left, something big. It was loud enough to push me back from the wind that came with it. I blinked back into reality and immediately regretted it.

The town has completely changed. Instead of the previous bystanders, now there were bodies littering the ground soaked in blood. Falling structures of the wall now laid tossed across the ground. Looking behind me, I gasp, noticing that it was a rock that barely missed me now laying behind me smashed into a house.

"Lance!" There he is. Lance was now crying. Screaming from the side of a building to my right. He was pointing again. Is the creature back? No, it can't be. I would have seen it. Turning my head to Lance's pointing direction, I encounter my first titan. My breath hitched. About 80 feet in front of me, stood many titans. Each ranging in sizes. Their expressions were all different from the next but shared the same intense smiling or pleasurable facial feature. These titans had skin, making them more human-like. Looking the same as us, just nude with no reproductive organs. They were not normal by any means. One's head was enlarged, while another's arms were so small, it didn't seem realistic. Although a lot of them differed, they all shared the same wide mouths.

I had not realized that I was running until I pulled Lance around the corner of the house. Praying that we were not seen. The closest titan to us stood around 9 meters. Not the tallest, definitely not as big as the first creature, but still had the same effect. It had short black hair and the creepiest set of black eyes that could see into your soul. There was blood coated around its mouth.

"Oh God," I whispered, pulling Lance towards me into a house. We couldn't move. I could not risk us dying to one of those things. Not here, not now. I feel ashamed. Not five minutes ago, I stood there accepting death and now I am too big of a coward to follow through with it. I just couldn't let go of myself long enough to accomplish it. I held Lance's mouth close as the ground shook. He was now crying. I fought the tears as hard as I was able. A difficult task, but I cannot let my emotions show right now. I need to be strong and figure out what is going on or at least a way to survive this. First, we get out of here.

 _Deep breath Elena. You can do this._

"Stay here. I'll be right back." I whispered to Lance. If we are going to get to safety. We need to get to the boats. We cannot outrun those things outside. But maybe we can sneak. I walked to the window. Carefully pulling back the shades to look at our surroundings. In the distant, I saw the previous Titan, but nothing more. No people at all, but I could hear them in the distance. The house is about six blocks away. Mother and Father will be there. They must be. They will protect us.

It's now or never. I spoke a silent prayer and went back to Lance. Looking at his swollen face from tears broke my heart. I must keep my brother alive. For my sanity.

"Lance, we have to make it to the house. Mom and Dad are waiting okay?" I gently stroked his hair and wiped the tears from his face. We can do this. I opened the door slowly as it creaked a bit and we slid outside, back into hell.

Chaos erupted. People were screaming, crying, and trying their hardest to survive. I never imagined anything like this. There is blood, everywhere. Bodies are crushed under rocks that came flying from the sky. Children are screaming for their parents. The adults are running, most did not bother with the younger generation. It's survival of the fittest now. Everyone for themselves. The smoke was covering a lot of the town. Houses were destroyed, and fires were breaking out.

 _Is it raining?_

I quickly looked to the sky, no rain. I touched my cheek. Being so shocked with the scenery, I did not notice that I had begun to cry. I did not want to die here. I cannot let Lance see me like this. I must be strong for him. The military police will be here to save us. Maybe the Scouts will come back, it hasn't been a long time since they left.

Turning a corner, we see another titan, but it is distracted by a man who was trying to hit it with a stick. It wasn't causing any damage and the titan simply grabbed hold of the man around his midsection, hoisting him into the air. I didn't want to see what would happen next. I turned away, still creeping, pressing my body onto the stone on the wall of the house as if trying to merge with it. The man was screaming from behind us. A small jump and shriek escaped my mouth as I heard his words suddenly stop and a loud crunch radiate into the air.

I didn't want to look back. I didn't want to look forward. Afraid of what else I might see. The house is close. It was nothing special, but it wasn't like anyone in Shiganshina had something fancy like they did in the Wall Rose or even Wall Sina. I have never been to either of those places, but I heard tales about them. Anywhere is better than right now.

 _There is the house. Mother! Father!_

A scream surfaced when I was grabbed and yanked into a small space between two houses, knocking Lance off balance, causing him to drag. It wasn't a titan due to the small force it had, but it didn't stop me from punching and kicking at whatever it was. We are not going to be caught at a time like this. I could only imagine what mental state someone was in to risk dying so easily just to catch someone off guard or even what someone would do if they resorted to taking people at a time like this.

"Father," I heard Lance exclaim in a teary voice. Running pass me and into the arms of the figure that I was hitting. He was now covered in dirt. Father? I opened my eyes to see the greatest thing all day. It is him. His hazel eyes glisten.

"Thank the heavens," he grabbed both of us and squeezed. I couldn't control my tears any longer as I happily cried. Finally, we are safe.

"O, my!" Mother ran into our little group. Kissing our foreheads and checking to make sure that we were not hurt. No words would come out my mouth, no matter how hard I was trying to speak. The moment was short lived as another rattle shook the ground.

"Titans are closing in. We have to go now" it was Mother talking. "If we head straight up this section and to the right, we can reach the gate to the boats. We have to hurry. They will be sealing it off soon," then she turned to Lance and me, "Sweeties, I need you to promise me that no matter what happens, you two will not stop running until you are on that boat." The stern look in her eyes was telling me that she was serious. All I could do was nod as Mother picked up Lance and we began to run.

The further we ran into the city, the less damaged, but it didn't last long. Too scared to look back, frighten to see the face of another titan, I couldn't bring myself to see how much progress we made. Everything was happening so fast. Any direction brought nothing but dismay. A man caught my attention as we began to get closer to him. He was nothing special, but the shocking part was that he was carrying a book with both his hands stretched out. Shouting off things as others ran past him screaming. Is he not scared or is he just crazy?

Father made a sharp turn causing me to stumble before regaining my balance. I glanced back to the man with the book to see him now being lifted into the air by a titan that had stood beside the bridge.

"Don't look, Elena," Father gasped, pain in his voice as I turned my head back around. I couldn't feel my legs at this point. My breathing was hitched and I panted every time one of my feet hit the ground.

 _I can't breathe_

We turned another corner that led to a fork in the road. I quickly glance to each of the possible passageways before I froze and grabbed Father's shirt. I stare into the eyes of the monster as it began to move.

I wanted to scream as it began to briskly walk towards me.

"I don't want to die," I mumbled before being yanked again. I was thrown over someone's shoulder as they ran. The titan was still gaining on me but as I turned another corner, it disappeared from my sight. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself a quick mental break. Home is gone. No more playing in the flowers. No more laughing as mom cracks a joke at dad. No more bedtime stories in my room.

A chill ran down my spine as I felt something lift Father into the air. Another scream, this time from Mother echoed into life.

"I love you guys, "His voice cracks as the titan squeezes. "Get to the gate," Father cried out as he tossed me off his shoulder and onto the ground. That's when the slow motion happened again. I could see Father's frighten expression as he tried to pry himself from the beast's hand. The beast, who looked like a woman with long brown hair simply stared, its mouth opening wide, exposing its row of sharp teeth. Was this pleasurable for it? I wanted to help, but I knew there was nothing that I could do, but get ate next. So, I watched. I watch as Father cries out for us, I watch as the titan squeeze Father's body until blood began to run between its hand before the loud crunch surfaced throughout my brain. I watch as the titan swallowed, Father's midsection and lower body, now falling to the ground with a thud, blood hitting my face, forcing myself to blink to shield my eyes.

Mother's cries rained throughout the air as she yanked me with so much force, that my head snapped forward. I faze out. Running off fumes, I didn't know where we were anymore. All I could see in front of me was Father's death. Replaying repeatedly. The blood hitting my face. I can hear my heart pound in my ears. The sound of his body being ripped into two like a piece of meat. Zigzagging I held Mother's hand tighter as she continued a jog. I could hear more people around us now. Coming to a stop, Mother started yelling at people to move.

"Let the children on," her voice is barely auditable, most likely out of breath from running. "Go with your sister. I am right behind you."

There is talking around us, people were all gathering around the boat, trying to get on. The boat was already full. It was now up to squeezing in to find a spot. Lance and I stumbled on the boat, taking a spot by the loading board. I stared at Mother. There were no tears in her eyes. All I saw was determination and her sweet smile. How can she be so calm right now? Father just…. died and she smiles? Why isn't she coming? I didn't have the strength to even ask her. Not that she would really hear me. I gripped Lance's hand tighter and stared at Mother. I couldn't see anyone else.

"Close the gate!" I hear off in the distance. The boat began to move. My eyes widen as a tear escaped my Mother's eyes. She smiled again, wiping the stain away and looked straight at me. "Live," she mouthed. Around us, people were yelling to the boat, begging it to let them on. Some even jumped from the dock and fell into the waters.

How do I live now? My family is gone. How do I take care of Lance? Mother was his rock and now she is slowly fading from my view. Maybe another boat will come back. They are closing the gate. She can make it then. I look towards the gate. Smoke was rising, bangs were hitting every few seconds. The cannons.

Loud vibrations shook the ground, everything seemed to go silent as the focus was turned to the noise, making the booms even louder.

 _Boom…Boom_

It stops. Mother's figure fades even more as she waves. Blowing a kiss from the dock.

I heard the screams before I saw it. The pounding, now becoming more constant, faster than before as if it was running. Reaching out past the boat, I leaned towards Mother, as if trying to grab hold of her. Someway, pulling her to us. It was impossible. An explosion shook everyone on the boat as smoke covered the gate area. Bodies and debris shoot throughout the air. My vision was now cloudy. The tears stung. Burnt as they took over my vision. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't even yell out.

Blinking, the tears slid down my face as the figures grew smaller. The only thing that stood out was the monster in front of the now giant hole in the gate.

Just standing there. The smoke subsiding, revealing the creature. Another titan? It looked different. It shared the same initial features as the 60-meter titan but was a lot smaller. The major difference was the white bone or hard substance that covered its body. The substance that crushed my hometown. The substance that caused my life to be destroyed. The substance that now enabled the titans to reach the people at the docks. Titans that would eat everyone there since they had no way to leave. Titan's that would eat my Mother just as they did my father. My head fell to my chest. The tears flowing freely. There was nothing I could do. I didn't want to see it anymore as the boat continued to move.

Lance was wrapped around my leg, not even looking towards the scene.

Lance?" he hasn't said anything since we began to run with Mother and Father. Not one sound. This isn't my little brother. He didn't call out to Mother once. Did he even notice what had happened? Maybe he is still shocked by all the events that played throughout the past hour. I squatted to his level when he didn't reply to me. Staring into the hazel eyes of the previously happy little boy caused something inside of me to break. There was no emotion in those orbs. Nothing. Not one tear fell. He was staring at me, but not. His gaze seemed to go straight through me as if I wasn't there. This isn't my little brother. Pulling him into my embrace, I mumbled little words of encouragement to him, hopefully breaking him of this spell. Anything to not lose my dear brother

Further and further away from home. From my family. From my life... I wanted peace. I wanted to conceal everything that happened today. To simply wake up from this nightmare back in my bed as Mother made breakfast.

"Everything is gone." I checked out leaning over, placing my head against Lance as I cry. It is all gone. Everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story.** **Attack** **on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you**

Chapter Three: Reality

It's gone. It's all gone.

I try closing my eyes, while it was already hardly making anything better considering that with my eyes open, my vision was still hazy due to the crying that went on earlier. Now whenever I tried to cry, nothing came out. I guess I used all my tears up. I just couldn't shake the thoughts that continued to replay in my head. Watching both of my parents leave me…us. Glancing down at Lance who has yet to speak. He continued to stare off into nothingness until he passed out. Both mentally and physically exhausted from today. I don't blame him, just wish that he would come back to me. We are all that each other has left in this world. No one will be there for us the way that we can for each other. Sighing, I glance behind us once more, the smoke from the town had increased, but I could no longer see bodies of people left behind or the titan that broke through the wall. It didn't make me feel any safer. Nothing would.

"We're dead and standing at the gate of hell," an older man whimpered while holding his head. No one was making this situation any better. Everyone was still in panic mode. In front of the man, a boy stood up, walking to the side of the boat, closer to Lance and myself. Eren Yeager. He was the first person that I recognized since we have been on this boat. If Eren is here, then I highly suspect that Mikasa is as well. Those two are always everywhere together. His expression is what shocked me. He was crying but held a look of determination in his green eyes. I focused a little on what he was saying, trying not to eavesdrop when he pushes the blond kid away when he tried to consult him.

"I'm gonna put a stop to this... I'll kill them all… every last one," he growled. The will in his voice was encouraging, but, in reality, it was mindless stupidity. But I couldn't help but feel his pain. Who knows what he went through to get here. Judging from the fact of not seeing his mother, I suspected that it was because something had happened to her. I shook my head, clearing the images that surfaced, not wanting to even imagine anything that happened to do with Shiganshina.

As we piled into the town, it became obvious that we were not welcomed. The citizens would look at us like disgusting farm animals. Their side glances and absurd comments regarding out whereabouts didn't improve as we walked to our new homes. With the increase of people, there were no houses, instead most slept wherever they could. The children were lucky enough to take hold in a church. It was filled with hay, making the farm animal comments more real. Although no one complained out loud, I could see it on their faces that no one was pleased with the way we were treated. At night, as we descended into our living quarters, each taking their spots on the hay, few slept. Those who did, cried themselves to sleep. Others would yell out in their sleep, waking the little who did manage to find a rest. I watched over Lance, over the past few nights, he was one of the few that would cause the screaming fest. My nightmares were slim, probably because I didn't sleep well. Whenever I closed my eyes, all I could see were flashbacks of that day. So, most of my nights were spent watching over everyone else, until another screaming session took place.

The time here made me realize that I took a lot of simple things for granted. It dawned on me, about a month after we arrived, there was no privacy. We didn't get that pleasure. With cleaning, many made due with using small buckets of water from the river to clean themselves. Others waited for the rain, which depleted as winter began to come closer. New clothing was out of the question. We simply made due with what we had.

The darker side of humanity was a terrifying thing. With all that was going on, some people couldn't handle it. Resulting to participating in horrific acts. The worst was happening behind closed doors. Not everyone feared titans as much as they feared each other. Nighttime was the scariest. With families broken apart, many would resort to appealing themselves by doing vile acts. Women, old and young, were getting taken walking alone in secluded areas, coming up missing or having their bodies found barely indefinable. Groups of people would stalk and plot to steal from families that got more rations. Many people were found with slit throats or worse. The fact that the military police didn't do anything about these events didn't change a thing. They would always turn a blind eye when someone would report a problem or someone missing. Maybe they didn't care, or maybe they were happy to have one more of us gone. Whatever their reasoning for not helping was, it caused fear in everyone. We lived in fear every single day of ourselves. Titans are said to be humanities enemy, but we may be our own worst enemy if this continues anymore. I made sure to keep Lance close to me, walking through town at populated times, to decrease the possibilities of running into someone.

Daily, when the church bell rang, everyone would line up to receive their rations for the day. A small piece of bread usually. The snickers from the soldiers grew more intense as the days went on. The comments became more severe to the point that many people started fighting each other. Fighting over food or a difference in views. After making sure Lance was full, I would eat the remaining portions. From the sun, my copper hair darken, giving it a dirtier tone. Not that it mattered, being different wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Will the stupidity ever stop?" Lance had begun to talk a little more after our extended time here. His words usually implying that he disagreed with an action. Never simply conversation. He didn't ask to do anything anymore. He didn't laugh. There was no more running. When we had to go somewhere, he simply followed silently. He didn't shoot out remarks to the mean soldiers as they blamed him for their shortages, he didn't talk to anyone outside of myself, and I could only call that a small accomplishment considering his words.

"I doubt it," I sighed. "Everyone is in a difficult place. No one knows what is going to happen." No one did know. We all lived in fear of tomorrow. At any time, the Titan from before could suddenly surface again and kick down Wall Rose. We were all scared and taking it out on everyone around us. Lance stood up, it appeared that he wasn't happy with my reply, and began to walk back to our sleeping area. He has changed so much. I miss my little brother. Staring off into nowhere, my thoughts playing on previous times with Lance, I didn't notice someone stopping, trying to get my attention until a small hand waved itself in front of my face.

"You there?" a kind tone asked. Blinking, I looked to the voice. In front of me stood the blond boy who was getting bullied before in Shiganshina  
. He was carrying a lot of bread. Five pieces to be exact. How he got them was beyond me and if anyone saw him with it, I bet he would have a few negative words thrown his way.

"You might want to hide those," I glanced to the bread. Offering a suggestion to help. I really didn't want to see him into a broil with these bigger men over food. He smiled, grabbing two from his pile.

"My grandpa got extra. Told them that he had children to feed. Give one to your brother," I stared at his hand before turning to his face.

"What is your name?" I questioned. All this time, I have seen him, even before, in Shiganshina. I knew of him but never knew his name. Feeling a bit rude, I shake my head before trying to apologize, but he declined, pushing the bread into my hand before replying.

"Armin Arlert, and you?" with the bread in my lap, he offers me his hand to shake. I smile taking his hand as we formally introduce ourselves.

"Elena Brewer."

Winter approached causing the warm climate to turn chiller. We had to walk further into the town to get rations. Guess it was much easier for the distributors that way, keeping them out of the cold less. The earlier I get there, the faster I can get back and into some semi-heat. I stood in line, about ten people from collecting the rations when I blew out a puff of air, causing condensation to escape my mouth. When it cleared, my eyes instantly locked with something gold in the distance. It was a boy, around my age, who was standing next to a house with bread in his hand. Beside him, a taller boy was talking, but he didn't seem to pay much attention to whatever he was saying. I wanted to flinch and look away from him as his expression indicating seriousness as if he was looking for something. He wasn't little, probably a year or two older than me. His short blonde hair was coated in snowflakes and his golden eyes pierced through the light snow storm and straight at me. I could feel my face heat up as this intense staring contest continued, neither one looked away until my concentration broke when somebody's voice whispered next to me.

"Hey there sexy? Move forward before someone gets mad at us." I blinked, turning my head, sliding up to the correct before confronting into the voice behind me.

"Sorry if I startled you, I couldn't help but be amazed at that smoking red hair and gorgeous face. My name is Jean and you are?"

This guy was taller than me, with sandy brown hair and a slender frame. He didn't seem like much besides his larger than life ego. "Hey, umm, Jean, do you by any chance, know who those boys are?" completely disregarding his previous question, I felt embarrassing asking someone I just met about someone else I didn't know. Jean looked confused, questioning who exactly I was asking about. Not wanting to point or even turn back to them, giving away my position. I quickly nodded my head towards the general direction of the boys. His eyes followed then he looked back at me with a small smirk.

"There is no one there. Sweet stuff, I know my amazing presence may have you seeing double but are you okay?" my head shot to the previous location of the boy as I looked around for him. Jean was right, there was no one there. I know I didn't just imagine that. I'm not the crazy one here. Shaking my head, I turn back to the line, wanting to get back to the living quarters quicker than ever before.

 _Year 846_

We were put to work in the fields. Trying to cultivate the wastelands to secure food. Every day, we would tend to the fields, trying to improve our chances of survival. We failed. The winter months caused the lands to freeze up, growing nothing. The food supply continued to deplete until the central government made a major decision. Deploying a lot of the older men and women on a mission. A mission that would retake Wall Maria. The following day, they left. Over the next few days, the food shortage was a little better, but I couldn't help but wonder how well the mission was going. Nearly 250,000 bodies were sent. They must regain control with that amount. Everyone's mood picked up at the possibility of going back home. Reclaiming our lands back and finally go back to something normal. Somewhere we aren't despised. I smiled, remembering our house. I wonder if it's still standing. Those thoughts were quickly shot down when the deployed troops returned. Expecting good news, we all ran to meet them, only to find the horrible truth. Our numbers had been dramatically reduced to merely nothing. There were barely 200 survivors. An instant repeat of a year ago. Humanity got slaughtered.

Pacing around the church, I was alone. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to this. How could only 200 people out of 250,000 people survive? It didn't make sense. Did they just run in there? Were there no weapons? Did the government not supply those people with any sort of protection. I didn't want to focus on the actual action because I couldn't. I couldn't blame those people because when I was in their place, I probably did the same thing they did when a Titan was in front of me…freeze. One question still bothered me the most, and I knew I wouldn't get an answer for it. Did the government really send 250,000 people, equal to 20% of the total population to their deaths to preserve more food? Did they really give up all those lives, claiming it to be for some reclaiming cause when it was only a death mission? I didn't notice that I was speaking aloud until Lance spoke.

"That's is their fault for being weak and easily manipulated, they deserved to die." Lance as he walked out the church doors.

I stare off at his retreating figure, shocked by his logic. How can one say that about so many people who died fighting for what they believed to be right?

Many lost their family members with the unsuccessful war. Along with their sacrifices, the people continued to suffer mentally. Increasingly, more would panic, trying to guess the day that we all died. The day that humanity is finally wiped out. It triggered something in Lance. Now, instead of not speaking, he would result to fighting back. Every time someone would question him, he would have something back to say. Despite his slimming size, he was actually really provoking. At night, I would catch him not sleeping, just sitting in a corner watching, as though he was waiting for something. I pushed myself from my resting position, seeing Lance stand up and walk outside, I followed. I felt like a disgrace to my parents. They had left Lance in my care and this is what has become of him. I turned to walk away, feeling the tears gathering. I promised myself that I would stop crying, but once again I failed. Somehow, I feel as though his change is all my fault.

"Elena," His voice was hard.

"Yes?" I questioned, I didn't like the tone of his voice. He was angry.

"I'm joining the Cadets," I froze, staring wide-eyed at the determined boy. Now he was my height, he had grown so much in the past two years that his previous self was completely erased. His soft hazel eyes now displayed an intense glaze that glossed over with so much wrath and rage. His once short brown hair, was longer, running down to his shoulders covering most of his facial features. His small figure stayed the same, from the lack of food, making him look more like a starved beast waiting to strike rather than a human being anymore. My little cheerful and pure brother was no more.

"You can't be serious. You are too young and I will not allow you to throw your life away-," I was cut off by a louder, stern voice.

"You are the problem. You and everyone else here. Pathetic. Every day, I watch more and more humans die. Every night, I get to sit and watch in fear of not knowing if tomorrow I'll have to relive Shiganshina. Stay behind your piece of shit wall, hiding like the rest of the cowards. I am not like the rest of you human cattle, just waiting to be devoured whenever that Titan shows up again. Never will I freeze up like you, I will slaughter every damn thing that stands against me."

"Lance…we could die."

"We have too someday. But I'll go out fighting killing as many as I can before I fall, instead of relying on someone else to save me like some defenseless pup. I will not sit behind this wall waiting for a titan to come back and kill me, or even better for some piece of shit human to finish me off while I sleep. I will go to them, I will go to the Titans and end them, weak humans will be the fodder to my destruction of these creatures."

"Lance…" I began but stopped before I continued I honestly did not know what to say. Everything he said made sense, but the place where he was coming from was the damaging part. It is not just the Titans that he hates, its humans as well. This is Lance here. My brother, my only surviving family member left. He is all that I have in this world. Our parents gave away their lives to protect us. Protecting Lance from himself was reason enough. I have a chance to better myself in order to not depend on someone else.

"Together then," I lightly smile, trying to sound brave as the last tear fell down my face.

 _Year 847_

"The 104th Cadet Corps Class entrance ceremony will now begin! You have the misfortune of having me, Keith Shadis, as your commandant! I do not welcome you warmly! In your current state, you'd be nothing but food for the Titans! You're merely livestock! You're less than livestock! Over the next three years, we're going to train you worthless nothings and teach you how to fight Titans! Three years from now, when you come face-to-face with the Titans, will you still be fodder for them! Will you serve as an honorable barrier that protects the king?! or will you be a glorious soldier for humanity that drives the Titans out! It's up to you to decide!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story. Attack on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you**

Chapter 4: Year 847

Commander Shadis was imposing. Making it more frightening when his dark-circled eyes rested upon someone. He was tall, bald, and had a slightly tan complexion. I could tell that he got angry a lot from the wrinkles on his forehead. The lingering thought of 'is this man going to kill me' surfaced when he made eye contact with me during his introduction. I placed the strongest look of devotion that I could muster as he began going through everyone, weeding out the pack. Hoping this wouldn't be as bad as it looked.

"Hey Mop top," Shadis yelled. Armin quickly straightens up, placing his idle right hand over his heart before responding.

"What do they call you maggot?"

 _"_ Armin Alert, from Shiganshina sir!"

"Seriously, why would your parents curse you with such a dumb name?"

 _Yes, this is going to be interesting…_

"It was my grandfather sir"

I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for Armin. He sounded petrified shouting back, trying to defend himself, but everything he said was countered with rejection.

Shadis continued, going through others as he was getting closer to me. Lance stood beside me. He looked completely normal, unfazed by all. He stood there, alert, and ready for when Shadis walked towards him. But he didn't stop, he continued, walking past Lance, his eyes now invading my soul as I turned my forward gaze to his awaiting face.

"Who the hell are you?" he shouted. Mentally I cringe, afraid of him.

Placing my right hand over my heart "Elena Brewer, from Shiganshina District sir!" I replied, hoping he would move along. I knew he could probably tell by now that I am frightened, my eyes were probably given it away at this point.

"Shiganshina, eh," he paused shortly, "Well consider yourself lucky to make it this far. As far as I can see, you're a ripe tomato waiting to get ate." My eyes harden at his words as my body stiffened. Memories of my father getting snatched up flashed into my head. Me sitting there helpless as he was torn in half.

"That's more like it," he commented before shouting, looking past me to the next person. I noticed before that he skipped everyone that was from Shiganshina, including Eren, Mikasa, and Lance. So why did he stop at Armin and me? We were there too. I see Shadis walk past another girl. Her blonde hair was pulled back with her side bangs split to each side of her face. Her eyes… She looked troubled but displayed a sense of purpose. She didn't look like most of the people here, who haven't seen a Titan. Everyone else was so cheerful, easy to punish for trying to join something without having a reason. She oozed out purpose. Lance, had a purpose for joining. Eren explained his purpose on the boat about wanting to kill all titans. Mikasa the same... So why didn't I pass the test? I had a purpose. To protect Lance.

Looking back around, I now see Shadis holding a boy by his head, complaining about his hand being on the left side and not his right when suddenly, he dropped the boy. Skipping past all the people, he went directly to a girl with reddish-brown hair in a ponytail.

 _Was she…eating?_

"Hey, you there, what do you think you're doing?" his voice coated with false gentleness. When she didn't respond, instead taking another bite of her snack Shadis yelled, "You are officially on my shit list, just who the hell are you?"

'Sasha Braus from Dauper village at your service reporting for duty sir"

"Sasha Braus huh, and what is it that you are clutching in your right hand?"

"A steamed potato. It sat there in the mess hall begging to be eaten, sir"

"The theft I understand, but here why eat it here of all places?"

"it looked quite delicious and it was getting cold, so I gave it shelter in my stomach sir"

This can't be happening. From the looks of everyone else, we were all shocked at this girl. She looked completely normal despite being caught eating during the ceremony. Is she stupid or just plain crazy?

"I can't comprehend why would you eat that potato."

"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes? I'm surprised you don't know sir," my mouth dropped slightly at her words. She is insane. "Here sir, have half," she broke her potato in two pieces, handing one section to Shadis.

"Have half. Really?" he looked puzzled as she smiled up at him kindly.

"Armin," I smiled, happy to see a familiar face. A few people were standing at a cabin, watching potato girl run for her punishment. She had been at it for some time now, breathing badly. Surprisingly, when she was told to run until the sun went down, she didn't look as upset as she did when she was told she wouldn't be given food for the next 5 days. I could already tell that she was going to be an interesting comrade. Arriving, I was greeted by Armin, his face brightens as he turns to Eren quickly.

"Hey, Eren, were you ever introduced to Elena back in Trost?" He'd been leaning over the railing of the cabin.

"Somewhat, I knew of her back…home and seen her around Trost. You have a little brother as well?"

"Lance, and I wouldn't exactly call him little anymore," I scratched the back of my head. Lance is taller than most of the people here to be one of the youngest. Guess he takes after Father in that aspect.

"Where is he?" Eren's question was sudden, glancing around, probably wondering why he isn't here with me. Back in Trost, I didn't really conversate with Eren. Armin was the closest friend I had, besides Lance, but with his domineering conversations and displeasing responses, I tried to keep it settle.

"Uh, I think he went to the rooms until dinner. Probably tired," I didn't want people to know he isn't much of a social butterfly. They will figure out themselves or hopefully bring some life back into him. If not, maybe it could stop some people from randomly getting on his bad side if they were more cautious about his new personality. But then again, I don't want people to fear him. It was a lose-lose situation.

"Wait, so you both came from Shiganshina?" a tan boy with short brown hair stood up from leaning over the side railings asked. Now everyone here was looking in our direction.

"Yeah and Armin." Eren draped his arm over Armin's shoulder smiling.

"You saw it, you guys were there that day, the colossal one. Did you see him?" The look of amazement glistens on his face. I felt conflicted. Part of me wanted to get mad. There was nothing to be amazed at. Running for your lives as giant creatures tried to eat you. Surviving wasn't an accomplishment, it was more of a curse to even witness that event. The other side of me wanted to frown since a lot of people here have never even seen a Titan. Do they even know what they are getting into? I didn't even know how to answer his question without getting upset, so I stayed quiet, letting Eren talk.

"Yeah, yeah I did."

"Armin," I whispered, not wanting everyone else to hear me. As he turned to my direction his bright smile faded. "I'll see you guys at dinner okay? I have to go." The further I could get away from this conversation, the better. Being reminded of that event still bothered me. How others were so fascinated by something that completely destroyed and scarred others was beyond me. _They just don't know._

I briskly walk down from the cabin, running into Mikasa.

"Hello, Elena."

"Oh, hi Mikasa. You doing well?"

"Yes, thanks. Have you seen Eren?"

I pointed towards the cabin, allowing her eyes to follow before excusing myself.

"And you?" she asks to my retreating figure.

"Peachy."

Dinner that night was no better. I sat at a back table with Lance while everyone else was gathered around Eren. Guess the word spread fast. Everyone was begging questions about the Colossal Titan from him.

I felt a little better knowing that some people were not entertaining the conversation as much as others, but I could tell that they were still listening and interested in what was being said. His descriptions of what happened just brought back unwanted memories.

Tuning Eren out, I went back to my meal. Trying to clear my head when I hear a chair slide across the floor. Eren was standing up to a familiar face, Jean. Both boys were staring at each other, exchanging off negative things about each's desired career paths after training when the bell rung. Signaling dinner time was over. I was glad to hear them apologize to one another. We need to at least get along with each other. As they started to walk out, I didn't notice that Lance had already gotten up, leaving me at the table by myself.

"Lance, where are you going?" I question, getting up as well, jogging slightly to catch up. I was basically finished eating already. He was at the doors before he replied.

"Away from you idiots," he then took a firm bite of his remaining bread before stepping out of the room.

"What did you just say?" It was Jean. He had just been in a confrontation with Eren, so why pick another one with someone else.

"Is it satisfying? Thinking how exciting it must have been. To witness something like that?" Lance said as he snapped his head back, eyes of bloodlust, tossing the remainder of his bread away as he confronts Jean.

"If you were there too, why not tell your side of the story then or are you so sorted on 'sending all Titans back to hell' as well?" Jean countered. "Is that all the lot of you know, there is no beating the Titans, just do your best and get into the military police, live a life of luxury." I looked to Lance. His face had such a disturbing expression. If Jean only knew that Lances train of thought was more depraved than Eren's.

Lance began to walk towards where Jean was standing staring him down like Sasha would a feast table.

"Oh, is the big baby going to come over and cry?!"

"No, you're about to cry"

Lance shows a devilish smirk, as he extends his hand towards Jean grabbing him by the head slamming it onto the porch side paneling. Knocking him onto the ground, Lance crouched down over him and starts to repeatedly strike… I couldn't believe what I was seeing, who was this violent beast standing in front of me, this monster couldn't be my brother Lance. I couldn't help but to freeze in place, I lost full awareness of my surroundings until I heard someone yelling.

"Stop this now, what's your problem!" Connie was trying to resolve the situation. Trying to ease the fuel while not getting too close to get hit as well. He touched Lance's shoulder, trying to get his attention to get up when Lance turned towards his direction. The look on his face and blood of his knuckles from the vicious assault made him look more terrifying than a titan. I thought it was over until he headbutts Connie knocking him to the ground. I couldn't let this go any further, I ran in to stop Lance before things got worse. Running behind Lance I tried wrapping my arms around him, but he reached around, grabbing my shirt flipping me forward onto the ground. I looked up watching Lance walk towards me, looking at me as though I was nothing more than a bug that needed to me smashed. I closed my eyes and yelled.

"LANCE STOP THIS NOW"

Everything was quiet. I opened my eyes and there was my brother just standing there. He didn't say a word just glared at me, and began walking down the steps and further away from the mess hall. I was petrified, how could Lance do all this, how could he attack others without showing any emotions, like striking and harming another human meant nothing. I could hear everyone whispering behind me as they all witnessed the scene between one another.

"what the hell was that"

"is that guy insane"

"we need to stay away from him"

Everyone had a look of confusion and fear on their faces, as though a titan just attacked this very camp. How could things go so badly? why did Lance snap? why was I so terrified of my own little brother? As I sat there shaking in fear trying to process everything that had happened, tears began to well up. I was on the break of being taken over by these emotions until a soft but a stern cough sounded next to me. To my right, Jean was still laying there. His face was bruised, and one of his eyes was almost swollen shut. I felt like I was responsible for this.

"Jean, are you okay?" I crawled over to his position. Looking him up and down, trying to be sure that he wasn't gravely wounded.

"Long time no see gorgeous, I'll be okay," he replied getting up. "Luckily your brother hits like a little girl."

He is trying to act tough, but I know he is in a lot of pain. I wanted to stop him, to apologize for my brother, but he just walked away.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I looked towards the direction the voice was coming from. Noticing his boarded features. He was taller than most, maybe around Lance's height or a bit shorter, his blonde hair was short, cut closer to his head, his gold eyes reminded me of someone, but I couldn't place a name to it.

"I will be okay." He started walking closer to me.

"It isn't your fault, come on let me help you up," their hand appeared in my face. I gradually took it, instantly noticing how much bigger his hand was than mine. Standing up, I quickly dusted myself off and fixed my shirt.

"Thank you," I tried to smile, anything to not look like the complete mess that I felt. Everyone now will just see Lance as a monster. "I'm sorry for what happened. "

"These things happen, it's a tough subject to bring up." He replied now with a stern look.

"Tell me about it," I look towards the direction Lance walked too. I needed to go check on him.

"By the way, my name is-"

"Elena Brewer, I caught your name during the introduction. I'm Reiner Braun." He just stared at me as I lightly shook his hand. Happy that someone at least blew over this incident.

"I better go check on my brother," I pointed with my thumb towards his previous direction. Reiner nodded, throwing out a 'good luck' before turning back to the mess hall.

 _I'm going to need more than luck to deal with Lance._

I feel that if I said Commander Shadis was pissed would be an understatement. When we all gathered the next morning for training, the bruises on Jean's face and Lance's knuckles instantly stood out to him. Shadis didn't have to ask what it was about, he punished them both for being reckless. For the entire day, both boys were to stand on a thin board, facing each other, while holding two buckets of water in each hand. Shadis said that by the time he was finished with them,

'YOU SHITRAGS WON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SWING YOUR ARMS."

The rest of us began our official training. It was better to see everyone back to normal from last night. A fresh start. Arriving at our destination it began.

"LISTEN UP! YOU SORRY ASSWIPES HAVE 3 HOURS TO REACH THE FINISHED MARK AHEAD." He turned away from us.

Everyone ran to grab their bag. I groaned at the weight, struggling a bit to lift it. _What was in here_? It felt like a bag full of sand. Sliding the bag on, I stood up and began to run, trying to pace myself. This was going to be a long day.

"It hurts," Mina cried out beside me. I wanted to reply, agreeing with her, but I knew that if I opened my mouth I would collapse. Everything was on fire. We have been running for a while now. I could tell by the sun. When we started, the sun hadn't even broken through the night, now it has begun to climb into the sky. It was hot. Sweat falling from my face after every foot pounded into the ground.

 _It hurts so bad._

Looking behind me, I was pleased to see I wasn't last. Not that it mattered, as long as we all finished before time was up, but personally, I feel pleased with myself that I wasn't the slowest. It was Armin who was struggling the most. Stammering over himself, trying not to fall and push the group back. He wasn't going to make it much longer, but he continued. I wish I could help him. I didn't want to see him fail. He wasn't the strongest, nor the fastest, but he was a kind, smart boy. The best comfort I could give was running with him. I slowed down, a small relief before I was standing next to a panting Armin.

"What are you doing?" Armin gasped out, obviously tired.

"Running."

Collapsing to the ground, I had never been so happy to finish anything in my life. Everyone was breathing heavy, some less than others, but they were special cases. Mostly, people from districts in the mountains or woods had a better advantage in these kinds of things. Like Sasha, aka Potato girl. She was constantly whispering about how she wanted lunch until Connie reminded her that she still couldn't eat yet causing her to go into a frantic outbreak.

I made the mistake of laughing, immediately going into a coughing fit due to the lack of air, causing others around me to laugh, resulting in the same fate. When we all calmed down, Commander Shadis rode out of the woods on a horse.

"Everyone feeling good?" I knew he wasn't being sincere. I feared what he was thinking, silently praying it wasn't what I thought. There was no right answer here. If someone said good, we were screwed, if someone said bad, we were still screwed. Which didn't make it any better when he made eye contact with me before I could turn my head, trotting over towards me on horseback.

"Tomato and Mop head, You two feeling good?" he repeated with a sinister look in his eyes. I could feel Armin's eyes on me as I signed mentally. Completely hating my life at this point.

"Feeling great, Sir" I yelled towards him.

"AH, SO YOU SORRY FUCKS THINK I'M GOING TOO EASY ON YOU?" He was looking directly at me. I pushed myself up off the hard ground.

"Yes, Sir!"

 _I hate my life…._

I cannot feel my legs. I was wobbling towards the mess hall at this point. Commander Shadis insisted that we all run back due to my complaining about his teachings. With groans, we all grabbed our bags and took off again. Much, much slower than before.

"Elena, you couldn't have said anything else to make that easier. I feel like dying," Connie was perched on a rail, vomiting.

"She did the right thing, if she spoke about being tired, then it would have been worse," Bertolt answered, his short dark brown hair was coated to his forehead from sweat. It was a bit surprising on how he caught up to us so quickly considering he was in the back with Reiner. He walked next to me to pat my shoulder in a humble way. It stung, the light applied pressure shot straight to my legs.

"Ouch, no touchy right now," I mumbled out as he quickly apologized.

"Hey, how are you standing so normally. Do your legs not feel like they are about to fall off?" Connie spoke again, holding the railing as he walked to keep up with everyone.

"Oh, we ran a lot in my old town, so this is nothing." He replied, before turning away from us.

 _Lucky you…_

Over the next few months, as the weather began to change, training continued. Running got easier as our bodies grew more accustomed to it. By now everyone was so used to each other, that we considered mostly everyone family. Sparring was a challenge. Back at Shiganshina, I would voice my opinions, but never fully participated in hand to hand combat.

Fighting was definitely not my strong point. Mina Carolina had become a good friend of mine. She's a cheerful girl and always provided a little comfort for me when Lance was in one of his moods and wanted to be alone. I began to spend less and less time with Lance as more time went on. I would enjoy the lax conversations of my peers rather than be hurt by Lance's tough judgments. During our first sparring training, she was my opponent.

"Come on Elena, show me what you got," Mina spoke, stepping into her fighting stance. I copied Mina, not exactly sure how to perceive all this. I felt out of place.

"Ready?" She asked, smiling towards me. I nodded, mentally preparing myself for this. Mina took a step forward, instantly causing me to take a step back. She stepped faster, gaining quicker land towards me. My eyes widen as I panicked, tripping over my footing, twisting while grabbing out towards anything to stop myself, in this case being Mina, causing us both to fall.

We both hit the ground with a small thud. I pushed back up into a sitting position and looked towards Mina.

"So…does that mean I won?" I wondered. Technically, I did pin her… kind of. She looked at me, before breaking out into a laugh, pulling herself up before we tried again.

Over time, I gradually improved. If correctly positioning myself was improving. The months continued, I could feel myself getting stronger, just couldn't harness that strength to bring it forward. I watched others, Mikasa was amazing. Clearly, she is a force to be reckoned with. Her moves are so smooth and clean. Annie was the same, she was quick, her fight style was different than others, but it was interesting to watch. Lance was different. He fought somewhat like the others, just more forceful and aggressive. Mikasa could take him down herself, but besides her, it was a tough one, considering she was the only one besides Reiner and Eren who wanted to fight him. Lance was rough. I tried to spar with him once, only to be slammed quicker than I could follow his movements. I won't try that again. Maybe when I better myself.

"Not really a fighter?" We were all in the mess hall for dinner. Today I sat with Armin, Marco, Mina, and Annie. Well, Annie was at the end of the table, but she was still at the same table with Mina in front of her. Winter was getting closer, not that it meant anything other than the first year was coming closer to an end. Time seemed to fly fast. I could clearly remember my first day here, being frightened of what was to come, it has been hard, but well worth it.

"It seems that way, doesn't it? Guess I never really had to fight, so I don't really know what to do." I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear as I grabbed my spoon.

"All you need is some practice," Marco commented.

"Maybe Lance can help you. He is really good." Armin added.

"Yeah, he is vicious but damn good at fighting. Where did he learn it all?"

It would be nice to have Lance help me, but he would find it more of a burden than something useful.

"Honestly, I don't know," my voice lingering as I tried to understand this new Lance.

"He wasn't like that at Shiganshina or Trost. He still kept to himself, but wasn't as strong, maybe I misjudged his strength." Armin mumbled, rubbing his chin.

"Yeah, he's changed so much. After Shiganshina …. Lance wasn't the sweet boy who would run to the fields to pick flowers. He wasn't the little caring boy who sat in the back and listened silently. He stopped laughing and smiling." My voice trailed off, not really wanting to admit it, but it was obvious to those who knew him beforehand.

"Why are you here?" A new voice joined the conversation. I turn to find Annie looking directly at me. Her gaze was stunning. I really admire that about her.

"Honestly," I paused, "I am actually here for Lance."

"Then you are wasting your time. He doesn't need you," Annie went back to sipping her drink, silently excusing herself from the conversation.

"Don't say that Annie," it was Mina, but I wasn't paying attention.

 _He doesn't need you._

Her words hit me like a pile of bricks. Lance doesn't need me anymore. When we joined I expected to be able to help Lance through training and together we could graduate. But from the looks of it, all I am doing is holding him back. He is much better than me at a lot of the training courses we go through. He is much faster than me at running, his fighting skills trump over my non-existing ones. If we do both graduate, there is no way I would be able to keep up with him out there. Lance was definitely graduating, probably in the top 10 if his personality doesn't exempt him. It already does with everyone else.

Excusing myself from the table, I picked up my dishes, walking towards the door.

 _Thank you, Annie_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story. Attack on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you**

Chapter 5: Determination

"How do you think you did on that exam?" Mina's soft voice rang in my ear. I should have known that we would have a test. The way that the professor was going over the lesson last week was a dead giveaway.

"Decent, enough to pass." I knew the questions regarding the structures of the military and the titan's anatomy, but the advanced levels of the vertical maneuvering equipment were a bit challenging. I was upset with myself because that's one of the most important aspects of all this training. All this running and cardio exercises were to build our leg muscles and core for the 3D gear.

"Same, we will do better next time."

"Uh-huh," I replied, my mind going over the exam once more. There has to be a reason that they sprung all this on us so fast and I know the perfect person to ask. I spotted him almost instantly, his long blonde hair shining through everyone else.

"Hey, Armin you amazingly handsome stud! Do you have a second?" I saw him stop before he turned to my voice. A look of confusion plastered across his face before he began to walk to meet us.

"What's the problem?"

"Sooo Armin, I know that you know what's coming up next. It would be so sweet and kind of you to give me a little detail of what's about to happen. Pretty please!" I put on the biggest puppy dog eyes ever in hopes that he would give me some information that I could use to better prepare myself for what is ahead.

Armin sighed "Smooth Elena smooth, we will begin the vertical maneuvering training and be tested. Those who don't pass will get kicked out."

"Oh, my," Mina commented shocked.

"But you didn't hear it from me," Armin finished, before excusing himself to his original group. I beamed, happy to be friends with the teacher's pet. This information will help me a lot moving forward!

Finally, some progress. Turning into the mess hall I went directly to Lance. It had been a while since we both talked, he had been training obsessively hard the past few weeks. I sat in front of him, his twin eyes locking with mine shortly before he went back to his meal. At least he didn't tell me to leave.

"How was your day?" I wanted to have a normal conversation with him.

"Plain," that's progress. At least he replied. A bit dull, but it's something.

"Yeah, it was a bit hot. How did you do on your test?" I picked up my spoon, dipping it into my vegetable soup before bringing it to my mouth.

"Normal. Why are you here?" that hurt. It stung deep down. As if I wasn't welcomed at the same table as my brother.

"To eat?"

"then go somewhere else"

"no. I like it here"

"Elena"

"you keep pushing me away. We joined the Cadets together. You know what that means. You and me. Not me. Not you. Together. I don't know what has gotten into you lately, but you are becoming a real asshole. Everyone is afraid of you. You are like a raged psycho. Calm down, these are your friends. You continue to push people away and you will be alone. Give them a chance." As I finished, I noticed I grew a little attention from the nearby tables. I didn't care in the slightest. He needed to hear this. He has been so caught up in whatever was on his mind that he withdrew himself from any connection with humanity.

"Now, can we please enjoy our meal." I cleared my throat.

"I'm finished." He replied getting up walking away.

 _Great. Back to square one._

I sit there, continuing my meal alone.

After my weird conversation with Lance I went out to the training field, it was warm for a summer day. I knew I had a few good hours before it became dark out. Might as well do something that I semi enjoyed instead of just sitting around. A few people were walking around outside, no one I usually spoke to. I started to walk to the trail. Telling everyone I passed by a cheerful good afternoon, despite lunch, today had been good, I wanted it to continue, no need to dampen my good mood because of Lance.

No one was here, typical, who would run without needing too. Well, a few would, but not a lot. Running was a good mind relief. I could just fade away on the trail. No one to bother me. I could feel the sweat forming above my brows as I pushed myself. The forest was dim due to the trees blocking the sunlight. I didn't care. It's relaxing. The gentle breeze that managed to slip through was refreshing and inviting. Something caught my eye, causing me to slow to a stop before turning to it.

 _It's pretty._

I reached out, plucking the flower before falling to the ground, I sat down with my legs crossed as I observed the color. It was a simple yellow, but it spoke so much to me. Peaceful. I smiled, happy to have some sense of the past. Mother would love this. She used to have a vase that she would place all the flowers Lance and I collected for her. Her last words to me rung throughout my head.

 _Live…_

I am. It's hard to live when you don't know if you can. we could all be one kick away from the Colossal Titan. The only difference now is that I know how to run faster. That can't be all I'm good for.

"Could really use some motivation from you right now dad. Your little firecracker is dimming."

I knew no one would respond, but it was worth a shot. There are giant humanoid creatures eating humans. Would it really be far out of the question to talk to my dad? My question was answered with silence.

"Of course, I'm all alone, talking to myself." Falling back, I looked to the sky. It wasn't visible from the trees, but it sure was breathtaking. The leaves would flutter when the wind blew. The birds were chirping, flying freely, unlike me. Stuck behind walls, terrified that the end could be any second.

"I want to be a bird."

I want to fly free, away from all this. Somewhere far away. Somewhere that made sense.

"I knew you would be here." A voice shouted.

"Are you stalking me?" I questioned, not bothering to move.

"We are best friends, I have psychic powers to find you." Mina laughed, dropping down on the ground with me, her head beside mine.

"Still creepy," I lightly laughed, glad she was such a reliable person. She always knew exactly when I needed her.

"Why are you laid out on the ground?"

"We are enjoying the scenery."

"I see"

And we sat there. A few minutes would pass, then more. I took a deep breath, knowing I wouldn't be escaping her curiosity.

"I don't want to die," I mumbled out. A leaf fell from the tree, dropping towards our bodies.

"Then don't. When we graduate, we can choose a regiment together and watch each other's backs."

"That sounds good. Think we have a chance at the Military Police?"

"Maybe, if we try hard enough. Annie is dead set on the MP, maybe we can all-"

"My fighting skills are going to hold me back. Especially for the MP. They deal more with people than anything else. Plus, you are the only one who Annie speaks too."

"Then learn to fight." she rolled over, grabbing the flower I was twirling in my hands.

"Easier said than done."

"Then dedicate yourself to getting it done Elena if there is a well there's a way! Maybe you could talk to Annie and get some tips."

"Yeah, I'll talk to Annie when you talk to Lance." I knew that would shut her up.

"It's a deal," she replied quickly.

"Mina… I was joking"

"A deal is a deal. Hold your end of it." She began to get up, as I did the same. If she could actually get Lance to hold a semi-decent conversation with her, then Annie would be no problem.

"Alright, now that's settled, let's race back." She took off running before I could reply.

"Wait! You are cheating!" I half laugh as I sprint off towards the cabin.

I spent the entire night, trying to figure out what to do. If we were going to join the Military Police, then we would both have to make the top ten. Considering that I fight like a frightened child, I wouldn't even come close to it. I needed to do this for myself. As Annie told me, Lance doesn't need me. He is fine on his own. Graduating and joining a regiment would be better for me than picking at a field.

I need to learn to fight. The perfect way to learn something is to watch, practice and be taught. I knew we would be sparring today. It would be the perfect opportunity to start phase one. I walked past many groups of people fighting, some were playing around as I walked through heading to my destination. I knew that Mikasa, being the best here, would be too focused on Eren to help me. Annie was… a special case. She scared me with her intimidating eyes. Lance was Lance. I highly doubt he would even consider helping me, probably wouldn't even acknowledge, and walk away. Especially after yesterday. That left one other candidate. He was sparring with Marco. When I arrived, they were circling each other. The match was short, Marco ran at his opponent blindly, giving him an easy win. Stopping a few paces away, I gave them enough time to regain their composer before speaking.

 _Now or never, Elena_

"Hey guys," I smiled before turning to Marco, "do you mind if I borrow Reiner for a second?" With a small nod, I looked to Reiner before stepping to the side. He was sweaty, his face was hard from concentrating on sparring. His breathing was a little heavy, causing his chest to puff out more with each breath he took. I initially had more confidence before I got here considering the Reiner was actually a really helpful guy to everyone here, but now that I was actually face to face with him, he was more intimidating to speak to than I thought.

"Something wrong?" He questioned, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm.

"Could you teach me how to do that?"

"Wait!" I could hear someone yelling, turning my head sideways I could see a figure running towards us from a short distance. As they got closer I noticed it was Jean.

 _Oh, great. This should be interesting._

He came to a stop, panting with his hands on his knees beside Reiner and me. I looked to Reiner, confused, hoping he would know something about this, but he didn't give away any signs of recognition.

He looked at Reiner with a face of hostility and then back to me with his face turning bright red. "Elena, I… I can help you. I can do it better than him," Jean gasped out before straightening himself up. That wasn't what I expected. Jean to take his 'precious time' out to help someone else. Usually, he was fussing with people.

"Really? You want to help me fight?" Instantly his face changed.

"Wait, you want to learn to fight? Wasn't it for? Forget I was here." He began stammering over his own words. His face lighting up with embarrassment as he turned away, briskly walking.

 _Well, that was… something._

I followed his figured before turning to Reiner who looked as though he was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Stop that! It isn't funny. You try dealing with him. Anyways," I wanted this to be somewhat professional but considering that interruption…

"You were saying?" He was still smiling, but at least he wasn't laughing.

"How you took down Marco like that. I want to learn to fight properly." I corrected myself, realizing that I needed to be more specific.

"That's easier said than done. What experience do you have?" he questioned, reverting back to his usual gaze with a hint of amusement.

"Absolutely none, besides what we have done here," might as well be honest. I stared into his eyes as he seemed to survey me, making me a bit self-conscious. He seemed so familiar. It was frustrating not knowing where I had seen him before. I squinted my eyes a bit after a few seconds, challenging his gaze. He needed to know that I was serious. He's gaze softened for a split second before finally turned away, looking back at everyone else.

"It won't be easy. You sure about this?" he finally spoke.

"I don't want easy. I want possible"

"If you have that much determination, then I can teach you."

My face instantly lit up. Did he just say what I thought he said?

"Of course, I do. I really need this" I could see Marco stick both his thumbs up in the air towards me.

"Alright, I'll let you know when we will start." He patted my shoulder before turning back to Marco who quickly put his thumbs down.

"Thank you." I smiled before turning to leave.

 _Maybe he really is a nice guy…_

"IT'S APTITUDE TEST TIME, SO LISTEN UP. THERE IS NO PLACE HERE FOR YOU IF YOU CANNOT PROFORM. FAIL AND BE SHIPPED TO THE FIELDS."

I stood in a group, watching as Sasha just swung. She looked so calm and natural at it. Even though this was a practice round, performing highly usually means good results when the final score is given. I glance around to the other sections, Jean was wobbly but holding himself up. Mikasa was…Mikasa. Eren, on the other hand, was now getting yelled at by Shadis for not being able to stay off the ground.

 _If I can at least do better than him…_

It was difficult to even imagine Eren doing badly. He was pretty good at anything he did, not on an amazing level, but decent. With him failing this, it put a lot of unneeded pressure on me to succeed. I would have to focus to come on top of this. There is no way I am going to the fields.

"Elena Brewer, you are next. Get ready." One of the instructors beside the harness spoke. Earlier we all had to successfully gear up. It was going to take some getting use to. These straps were so tight but I knew they were necessary to hold myself up in the air. I quickly made sure that everything was in place before I stepped forward. Sasha had been let down, stepping away with a hungry expression.

As soon as the last hook was clipped in the nerves set in. I tried to manage them as best I could. Causing a little wobble to occur every now and then. Slowly and more surely, I became more comfortable with it. Pacing my breathing and clearing my head. It's actually kind of fun. The worst part was the strain on the core from having to hold myself up. Guess all that running really did pay off.

"Time's up." I heard as the assistance came to relieve me. Is it over?

"Good job. Do that in the final test and you should be okay."

"Thank you."

I felt sorry for Eren. He looked completely shocked that he couldn't balance with the gear. Mikasa was trying to be comforting in her own way. Informing Eren to not throw his life away, but anyone could tell 3that he wasn't listening. The comments from those around us didn't make it better.

"Of course, you got this Eren. You need to breathe and focus."

"Yeah, if I can do it. Then so can you." Armin pitted in. "We still got time before the test to practice."

"You can do it Eren, you just have to practice it." I've gotten to know Eren a little more over the past year or so, he's actually a decent guy, gets angry very easily, but nice none the less.

"It might be time to let that dream die." My eyes went wide at Mikasa's words. We are all here trying to cheer him up and she is shutting him down.

"What do you mean?" Eren answered, shocked at her sudden words.

"I think you should give up this attempt to be a soldier. There's a lot more to fighting and combat than throwing your life away in vain." Her face was so calm.

"What are you saying. After everything, we saw that day. After what happened to my mom. You are crazy if you think I'm just gonna walk away." My eyes dropped at his outburst. I know his feelings right now. I don't express it as much as Eren does, but I share his pain of not being able to do anything about the loss of our parents. I understand his will to not let it go. I would feel the same way if someone was telling me to give up on my dream of avenging my parents.

"I get it. But it doesn't matter how determined you are."

"Wait what do you mean?'

"Because whether or not you are fit to be a soldier isn't up to you." My eyes widen again at her words. These exact words could apply to me as well. I am nowhere near as good as Eren.

The bell rung, signaling it was time to go as people began to get up.

"You misunderstand, I'm not saying that you should return to the fields by yourself. I wouldn't dream of it. Because wherever you go, I'm going to go with you." Everyone can tell that Mikasa cares a lot for Eren. She wouldn't even hesitate to leave the cadets if it meant she would still be at Eren's side. I smiled lightly, touched by the moment. I look towards Eren for his response. He had to reply to that.

 _Wait._

I quickly look behind me to see everyone basically gone, Eren was walking out of the mess hall. I turned back, wanting to say something, but stopped when I saw Sasha and Mikasa.

"So, are you telling me that you aren't going to eat that?" Sasha pointed to the piece of bread on Mikasa's plate.

 _And that's my cue to go_

I began to get up as Mikasa picked up her bread and slid it into her mouth with a sad Sasha beside her. Shaking my head I placed my empty tray in the bin before walking towards the door.

"I'm not going to the fields," I mumbled, looking into the night.

"Elena," a hand shot out to my shoulder, resulting in a small yelp, and jump as I quickly grabbed it.

"Gosh Reiner. You could have made a noise." He came out of nowhere. Someone of that size should not be able to move as silently as he does.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I actually wanted to ask if you were free tomorrow for training after the aptitude test."

"Of course! Whenever you have time." I smiled, clapping my other hand over his. I've been so stressed with this aptitude test and now Mikasa's words. A little comfort went a long way right now.

"Good," he stood up straighter before continuing, pulling his usual serious expression back on, "when you pass, meet me at the training fields."

"Will do, Professor Braun." I nod my head.

"Now you just make me sound old." He commented, with a stern face, tightening his hand more. Immediately I let go, embarrassment washing over me.

 _Don't scare him off before he even begins teaching you, Elena._

He didn't seem to notice or he didn't show it.

"Oh no no. I didn't mean-" I shake my hands out in from of me.

"I'm joking Elena." He said while laughing.

"This might seem a bit out there since I already asked you for one favor. But could you talk to Eren? He is a bit down today?" Reiner was known for being helpful to everyone, maybe he could give him some tips.

"Yeah, I was planning on it."

"Thanks," I smiled. Mikasa and Sasha were walking out of the mess hall. Sasha was hanging to Mikasa, questioning her on why she ate the bread. Mikasa stopped walking when she noticed Reiner and me.

"Hello, Reiner. You coming to bed Elena? It's going to be one of those nights." Mikasa shared a room with Mina, Sasha, and Me. It was good, friendly girl conversations, no loud noises, besides Sasha's "nightmares" about her food being taken. Tonight will be another one due to her loss of bread. One night, it was so bad that I caught Mina sneaking to "put Sasha in a deep sleep" with her pillow. But in her defense, we did train literally all day and everyone was tired.

"On my way." Mikasa nodded, continuing to drag a nagging Sasha to the cabin.

"What's one of those nights?" Reiner questioned when they were a bit further away but was still in earshot.

"You don't want to know. Trust me. Thank you again for everything. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night Reiner," No one should know the attack of Sasha at night.

"Good night Elena." He called out to my back as I jogged towards Mikasa waving behind me.

"Why couldn't you just give her the bread?"

"I wanted it."

"No, you didn't. You just want Mina and me to suffer. You sleep well during her outbreaks."

"Elena why is Mikasa so mean?" Sasha whined.

"She is like that to us all." I glared at her.

We arrived at our cabin as I slam open the door as Mina shot up with confusion.

"What is going on?"

"Sasha is hungry."

"NOOOO! Not again." Mina tossed her pillow over her face before falling back into her bed.

"Blame Mikasa."


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan based story. Attack on Titans is owned by Hajime Isayama. I do however own Elena and Lance as well as any other OCs that may occur during this story. Thank you**

 **A/N: first off, let me apologize for the lateness that the last two chapters have had. I set a schedule for these, but with the holiday, I got behind on a lot of writing. No worries. I should pick back up! I also want to thank everyone for all the support. I truly appreciate it. It's great motivation. Thank you all again. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 6: Baby Steps

 _Damn you, Sasha_

Why today? Of all the days, why would she have to have a breakdown last night? The night before we would have to take the aptitude test. If the constant tiredness wasn't enough, these straps were the winner. Strapping them on wasn't the problem, it was the intense tightness that came with it. Like part of my blood flow was constricted. I suppressed a yawn as I slid my jacket over my arm. Everyone else had already left and were probably at breakfast.

 _Time to get this over with_

It was either the lack of sleep or the nervousness from what today had in store but I couldn't lighten my mood. Usually, the sunrise would be a marvelous sight, but today, it seemed to hold no motivation. As I walk towards the mess hall, I quickly grabbed the hair band from around my wrist and made the best messy bun that I could muster up. My hair was the last thing that I was worried about today. I should really take Mikasa's advice and cut it. By now, it was well past my shoulders. I could hear the chatter from everyone within the mess hall before I even arrived. I waited by the steps as a few comrades left, laughing as they went. Grabbing the door, I entered the chaotic environment.

Spotting Mikasa, I make my way towards her. Mina would probably be with Annie and considering that we somehow made a bet, I didn't really feel that conversating with either of them this early would be a good thing. Mikasa is a quiet talker, so she will have a settle conversation with me as I ate. Grabbing a tray, I made my way to her, she wasn't alone at the table, but no one really made the effort to talk to her, everyone around her was in their own little group, chatting about how excited they are to pass today.

"Good morning," I tried to sound cheerful, but my voice came out more monocratic than anything. Mikasa looked to me briefly before a small smile appeared on her face. I sit down, confused a bit.

"Good morning. Just for the record, I tried to get you up at least three times." Her soft voice held an amusing tone.

"That's strange. I wonder what happened to cause me to oversleep." I grabbed my apple, bringing it to my mouth.

"Maybe some earplugs next time?" she questioned, causing me to pause midbite.

"You know," a small giggle escaping my mouth, "sometimes I question our friendship." I knew she wasn't superwoman. All this time, she had some manmade earplugs stashed somewhere for Sasha.

"Don't worry, I would have came and got you up if I knew you wouldn't have made it in time for the test." She reassured, a small smile on her lips.

"I know. Speaking of the test, how's Eren?" I glanced around the mess hall, looking for the black-haired boy who usually sits with Mikasa and Armin.

"I don't know." She replied plainly. Guess she was still a bit upset about last night. I didn't want to push my boundaries or her nerves with the subject. Shrugging, I continue my feast on my apple, I didn't have much time left before we would have to leave and make our way down to the testing fields.

"Speaking of guys, why were you with Reiner last night?" her tone confused me. As if I was up to something. I looked at her, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

"We were discussing training. He is my new sparring partner." I lightly smile remembering that today we would have our first session. I wonder how it will go. I don't want to mess this up, I could really use his help.

"Sparring partner? Why didn't you ask me?" she interrogates, causing me to swallow accidentally, resulting in a coughing fit as a piece of apple got stuck in my throat. After a few seconds, I could breathe again.

"No offense, but your training would be no success for me. You are too good, plus I figured you would be too busy," I smiled, trying to reassure her that there were no hard feelings.

The bell rung, signaling it was time for us to leave.

 _Thank you bell._

I did not want to have this conversation with Mikasa. Not only is she the best here, she seems like she would hurt more than Reiner. I didn't want to be bruised daily than have to go sleep in the same room as the person who beat me up did. Mikasa is a good friend, not someone who I want to be responsible for my death.

The testing area wasn't any different than yesterday, but the atmosphere had completely changed. During breakfast, everyone was happy and talking, now it was silent. We all huddled together as Shadis gave a small speech, similar to yesterday. The test finally began with the first name being called. My nerves set back in. Wiping my palms over my pants leg, I watch as person after person was being called to perform. The worst part, was when someone failed. How everyone was so quiet as Shadis yelled to them, sentencing them to the fields. I didn't want to leave everyone. I've made so many new friends, friends who helped me, encouraged me to be better. Friends who I will not give up for some fields. Not to mention Lance. We are a team, regardless of how he wants to act now.

"Lance Brewer"

I shot out of my thoughts as Lance walked out of the crowd and up to the harness. He honestly looked as if he didn't want to be here. His confidence is truly amazing despite his lack of charisma. If only he would be more social. It wasn't surprising that he did outstanding. Holding himself up with no emotion. I knew first hand that the strain from the straps causes some discomfort, but he makes it seem somewhat magical hanging there. As quickly as he began, it was over. He walked away without saying anything. I wondered if he would stay for me.

"Elena Brewer," Shadis called out. I breathe out a silent prayer as I made my way to the front of the group. Everyone was allowed to leave once they finished their test, but most stayed to see others.

"You got this," Mina whispered encouraging words as I walked towards the harness. My hands were shaky. So many questions were running throughout my head. I just wanted to get this over with. I needed to pass. Shaking my head, clearing my thoughts. I did this yesterday, so why is today so nerve-racking?

"Ready?" the assistant spoke as he stepped back. I quickly nod as Shadis' severe voice sounded.

"Proceed." A light gasp escaped my mouth as I started to get wheeled up.

 _Distribute your weight evenly. You can do this. Don't mind the riding of the straps. Ouch, now it's worse. Think of something else. Once you pass, you get to train._

My eyes shot over to Reiner instantly. He stood near Bertolt and Marco with his regular stern look. It looked as though he was having a conversation with Bertolt. I started to turn away, feeling like I was invading some sort of privacy when I connected with golden orbs. We have a common thing of staring at one another, so it isn't like this is anything new. My eyes, however, flickered to Bertolt when he whispered something to Reiner, causing him to reply almost instantly. His expression hardening before I looked away completely. Focusing back on the task at hand. I didn't know how long I had been up here. The strain on my core was getting harder, but nothing too frantic. I knew I could do this. There was no way that I would fail now. I have too much riding on this training.

"Good, you pass." Shadis voice reached me.

"Wait what?" I beamed, being lowered down to the ground again. Whatever mood I was in this morning completely vanished as a new wave of happiness swept throughout my body. I passed. I will not be returning to the fields. I can do this. All I wanted to do was find Lance and share this moment with him, but deep down, I knew that he wouldn't feel the same way.

"You made the cut."

I smiled brightly as I hear many people cheering for me. I looked around for Lance quickly, unable to find him, I settled for my own little celebration mentally. I walked over to Mina, getting out of the way so the next person could take their turn.

"I knew you could do it, but you were amazing. How did you learn to be so calm?" Mina's cheerful voice reached me as she pulled me into a hug.

Calm? Did I really look calm? In my head, I was stressing so much. I didn't really want to tell her that I stared at Reiner the entire time. That's too weird, even for my best friend. So, I settled for the only thing I knew.

"Oh, I thought about sleeping." I giggled, hoping to end the conversation before it got strange. We were both one step closer to finally finishing our plans. Next step is passing all the other test to make the top 10.

"Eren Yeager, are you ready?" Shadis voice boomed out over everyone else, forcing us to turn to the new contestant.

"You think he is better now?" Mina whispered to me.

"Of course." There was no doubt in my mind that Eren could do this now. If I could do it, Eren could no problem.

"Begin."

As he was being lifted, I could see the determination in his face. He stood there, balancing. Taking his form, we all cheered for him.

"He's actually doing it! "

"I told you, Mina."

I looked back up to Eren, who was now wearing a smile. His smile quickly turned into fear, in the midst of all his excitement Eren lost his focus and flipped back onto the ground. His face told the entire story, he was completely in a state of shock, afraid that he wouldn't be a scout, that he couldn't avenge his mother, afraid that this was the end for him.

"Wait…I still can, " he couldn't get out his words completely, it was even a struggle for Eren to lift his hand. As he sat on the ground groveling, pleading that he could continue if only given one last chance. Shadis slowly approached him with an expression of disconcerting.

"Let him down"

"I can still." I stood and watched Eren's world be crushed, I wanted so badly to help him but what could I do at this moment.

"Wagner, give Yeager your belt. "

"Sir yes Sir!"

What was Shadis playing at? We all stood there watching as Eren replaced his 3D belt with Wagner's.

"Yeager, do it once more. "

"You're giving me a second chance? "

"Stop wasting time and get on the machine!"

"Sir yes sir," What's going on? Shadis never gave anyone else that failed a second chance. I could hear everyone whispering around me, trying to figure out why Eren is going up once again. Could it be that he caught Shadis attention with his determination?

"Yeager, are you ready?"

Eren nods his head.

"lift him up," once again Eren rises into the air, this time he didn't lose his balance.

"He is doing it!"

"Way to go Eren!

"He had done it! Everyone cheered him on, excited for him.

"The equipment was faulty, the metal fittings on your belt were rusted."

Wow… all I could think bout was how Eren spent so much time yesterday trying to balance himself only to find out that his gear was rusted. This entire time, he was actually doing it. That's truly impressive.

"So, what's the decision?"

"You're good to go, train hard!" Eren threw his arms into the air, letting out a cry of victory. I could see it in his eyes, his determination renewed knowing he could fight now.

I really wished it could be easier explaining to Mina that I had training. But it was best to hide it for now. If I told her that I was training with Reiner, I would never hear the end of it. Shaking my head at the thoughts of her reaction was enough to stop me from disclosing that kind of information right now.

 _What started off as a simple night, turned horrible when Ymir popped into our cabin, suggesting that we all get together to play a friendly game. We were all having fun, talking about whatever was under the sun, until someone wanted to bring up boys. This caused a wide stream conversation to erupt. A boy's name from the training camp would be brought up and each girl could give their opinion of him. It wasn't surprising that when Eren's name was called, no one said anything in fear of what Mikasa would do to them._

" _Oh, Marco Bott." Someone called out giggling._

" _He's a cutie."_

" _Freckles for days."_

 _I sat there, enjoying the conversation on a social level. Not really wanting to participate, I never really looked at the guys here in a physical attraction kind of way. Seems like I been missing out. According to these girls, we got some hotties here._

" _Armin Alert"_

" _Oh, he is too short."_

" _No booty on that one."_

" _He is smart though."_

" _Great hair."_

 _The comments were back and forward, resulting in a lot of laughter from around me._

" _I like Armin. He's a great guy and really smart." I whispered. This game was a bit harsh. He was after all my friend, a good friend and I didn't want him to seem bad like he wasn't good enough for anyone. A girl would be lucky to have Armin._

" _Elena wait! You like Armin! I would've never guessed that he is your type." Mina spoke loudly next to me, drawing attention from everyone else._

" _Wait no, it's nothing like that?!"I panicked, instantly regretting playing this game. I wanted to be nice, and now everyone here is suggesting that I have feelings for Armin._

" _I can see the two of you married, living life in a nice house with two kids. Elizabeth and Eli. Of course, they're twins!"_

" _No guys, come on. Seriously," I felt cornered and what made it even worse is that from the corner of my eye, I could see Mikasa lightly smiling from a bed. She wasn't going to help me here._

 _I kept my opinions to myself the rest of the night. Didn't seem to make it any better the next day when Mina decided to 'arrange' for Armin and me to sit together. Took me a good three weeks to finally convince her that it wasn't serious and she had taken it too far._

Yeah, I would prefer not going through that episode again, once she gets going there's no stopping her. So I settled for telling her that I needed a light jog to wear off all the excitement.

It was getting later in the afternoon by the time everyone was done with the test. The sun had begun to seek shelter under the ground as the colors of the landscape changed from blue to a bright orange. It wasn't surprising that Eren could still be heard yelling at the top of his lungs. It was nice to be able to stay and continue to train with everyone. I didn't want to leave, especially after all the motivation that everyone had for one another.

It was different seeing the training fields empty. Every time I came here there were always so many people, but I guess since today was a big accomplishment, they all decided to celebrate. I spotted Reiner instantly. Well, there was really nothing else to see. He was tossing something up into the air before catching it again. He wore the usual, not that I expected anything else. I felt a bit embarrassed using him as a distraction earlier today and now having to look at him again, but in the end, it was a good thing. He helped me pass and obviously look good doing it.

"Hey Reiner," I greeted. He turned before smiling a bit. At least he didn't look upset anymore.

"You looked good up there. Maybe it should have been you teaching Eren last night," my face instantly heated up at his compliment. It was so sudden, I knew he meant well with it, but I didn't have time to prepare myself.

"Oh, thank you." I looked away, trying to hide my face. "You weren't so bad yourself. So, you were the one who helped Eren?" Eren seemed so much more confident today. I wondered what had gotten into him. It seems that Reiner did speak with him as he said.

"Not only me, Armin and Bertolt were there as well."

"That was really nice of you."

"As soldiers, we need to be there for one another if we are going to survive." His voice spoke of so much confidence. I wish Lance could hear this. My face dropped slightly at his words. Reiner seemed to notice the shift of moods because he changed the subject.

Okay, so what do you know about fighting?"

"Well, that it hurts a lot," I lightly laugh as he follows suit before getting serious.

"That's a given, now take your stance."

"What is a stance? Aren't you going to teach me how to knock someone out or throw them onto the ground?" I questioned, confused. Stances aren't that serious.

He smiles again as he looks down at me.

 _Does he think I am just joking with him? This is extremely serious for me._

Before I could comment again, he spoke.

"Fighting is more than brute strength. You need a strategy to defeat your opponent, taking a fighting stance is the first step." He ushered me to follow him as he walked further up a hill and to a flat grounded area.

"Okay, bend your knees slightly. Keeping your legs at shoulder width apart… Now bring your arms up at a 45-degree angle, covering your face, fist slightly closed." I followed all his instructions. I've seen this before. Something like it.

"Wait. It's like Annie." I blurt out.

"Yeah, Annie has her own technique, but yours will be used in a more defensive manner. Keeping your arms up and covering your face provides protection as well as the ability to throw out punches. With your legs apart, you'll be able to hold your balance." I see where he is coming from. Instead of simply placing my arms up and one foot behind me, like we normally do, this allows me so much more.

Reiner picked up something, a wooden dagger that we used during training before turning to me.

"Ready?" I nod quickly, focusing on what to do. He came charging at me, a bit frightening considering he looked like he could really pack a punch, but I needed to focus on the mission at hand.

I bring my hands closer up as I watch the dagger, feeling as confident as I possibly could. When I saw him strike with the dagger, I quickly reach to push his wrist away, a moment of happiness, before his leg came around, kicking my feet from under me.

A puff of air escaped my mouth as my back hit the ground. Opening my eyes, a hand clouded my vision. Grabbing it, I pulled up before dusting myself off and getting back into position.

"Again." He walks back to his previous spot.

 _Watch his feet_

He charged again.

 _Okay, the same thing as last time. Step back to stop his foot._

Pushing his wrist, I quickly tried to step back, but instead of his foot kicking mine, he took a step up, pushing his shoulder into me. The brute force knocked me backward.

 _Thud_

I coughed as the surrounding dust entered my lungs as I took a deep breath. This is painful.

"Studying your opponent's movements isn't bad, but everyone is different. When you find your opening, take it, use their openings against them."

"Is it even possible?" I mumbled out, slightly frustrated with my failures. Reiner noticed, glancing back to me before he walked closer. Handing me the dagger, he returned to his previous location.

"Charge at me." He commanded with a hard voice. I froze a bit. Unsure if I really wanted to follow through with this. He was more mellow before, now he seems a bit angered. I looked from him to the dagger a few times before taking off into a light sprint, picking up speed as I got closer to him, aiming, like he did, for his chest.

Everything happened so fast. I didn't even realize that I lost balance until my back hit the hard ground.

"Sorry, Elena. Got ahead of myself. Are you alright? You can open your eyes."

My eyes must have closed when I started to fall. To me, it all seemed like a simple blink. I quickly opened them, only to suck in my breath.

 _Yelp! He is so close._

He was hovering over me, with his arms holding him up. His golden eyes sparkled like the rays of the sun as they held a sense of worry in them. I could feel every motion his chest made as he breathed. Blushing, I never realized how stern his body was until it completely engulfed me. His shirt gripped to his figure like extra skin. He stood up, instantly reaching out his hand to help me up in the process.

"You don't look so well. Your face is almost matching your hair," His free hand found its place on my forehead. If my face was allowed to get any hotter then it would melt.

"W-what? Umm.. y-yes, I'm just peachy. N-nothing is wrong with me." I could barely get the words out. I didn't want to speak or move in fear of another dumb thing I would do. So, I stood there, looking at anything except him. Trying to calm myself down long enough to think straight. I could feel his eyes on me, making everything worse.

 _This is bad. So very bad. The worse idea I ever had._

"Alright." He stepped back removing his hands from me. Looking towards the direction of the cabins and mess hall. "It's getting late, we can pick this up later. It's been a long day for all of us." His sincere voice was back. Did I really look as bad as he was making me out to be? I felt a little sad at the loss of warmth, but it was for the best. I should have prepared myself better for this. I don't need him thinking the wrong thing.

"Okay," I simply agreed. Not knowing what else to say. I probably looked like a mess with all the grass and dirt in my hair. A shower would be nice and a nice meal. I wonder what is for dinner tonight. As if upon command, my stomach growled. Sparking up another set of heat to my face. This couldn't get any worse.

"Let's go eat," Reiner laughed as I took a step passed him, heading for the mess hall. I could feel him close behind me. I didn't dare look back.

 _Mission accomplished... Total embarrassment…_


End file.
